Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Thank you for joining us once again on manhood. The conversations that we've been having for quite a few months now, and we believe it's been rather impacting. The whole premise has always been talking to everyone, talking to all young men, men, women, everyone about how they are showing up in life. We are better as brothers. This is manhood. So today's topic we are talking about sexual myths, sexual prowess. Over the period, we've been very fortunate to talk to many young men, many women we've been blessed to have on the panel to give us a real perspective as to how we're showing up, the insecurities that we have.
The cause of violence.
For many a topic we spoke about domestic violence, mansplaining, toxic masculinity, masculine energy. Can women and men handle the truth? A lot of really solid topics, but the elephant in the room has always been. A lot of the underlying cause has been sex.
That's the root of a lot of insecurities, the root of a lot of violent encounters, issues, divorce. It's always somehow centered around sex. So today we want to specifically talk about sexual prowess and sexual myths. More importantly, like porn, like being a marathon man, going for hours, the horn. Aman, are you thinking about women thinking about the man thinking about the woman? Or a man, or woman thinking about a woman? Whatever is your preference? The fact is, sex is normally the root of most of these issues, and we need to move on from that and get clarification. So, Johansey, always a pleasure.
Jamie, Artis and niall, always a pleasure having you on the panel. And I just want to say to everyone out there, rated pg, rated r.
We're going to be bleeping out as.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: Much as between pg, PG 13.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: The topic is the topic. That's the conversations that everyone's having. And in order to meet people where they're at, we have to be where they're at. We have to speak the language where they're at. Very true. And we're going to do as much as possible and try as best as possible to keep it to toady line. To toady line. But in towing the line, we have to talk the things. Okay? So let's get straight into it. Sexual prowess, sexual myths. A lot in there. Like I said, we want to cover topics of porn performance. Does size matter? A woman's number? When women tell you start with that.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Now let me start with, does size matter?
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Right?
[00:02:53] Speaker B: So I will say yes.
I say yes, size matter. And not only the size of the man, but the size of the woman. Also in terms of the channel that he's going into, because women are different sizes. So a man could be, I think, what average is about six inches. I think that's average.
[00:03:11] Speaker C: Six and a half.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: Six and a half. Right. I don't know which part of the world that is, but let me just say that is average. But women also are different sizes. So I think the size matters, which.
[00:03:21] Speaker C: No one is talk about. Nobody's talk about diving into the vacuum of space.
[00:03:31] Speaker A: But let's bring it back to Kamasutra. So, Kamasutra, part of that belief is, like you said, a day for a day, an elephant for an elephant, a horse for a horse. And that's based on the size of the man versus the size of the woman. But as we've seen, even in some, I've heard in watching porn, I've heard about it, that it's really down to your experience, your moment. So you see.
[00:04:03] Speaker C: It'S down to tactic, because regardless of what size you're rocking, male or female, I think that once you have an understanding of the anatomy.
Well, yeah, foreplay. Foreplay is important, but I felt like.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: Foreplay.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: You're just slam bomb. Thank you, mom.
[00:04:25] Speaker C: Foreplays actually come from you wanting to have the person to have a good time. Most times. When men, we do a lot. Sometimes we just only want to focus on us maybe real. Being real.
[00:04:40] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: Fellas out there, put a little time into your woman. Trust me, it will pay off in the end.
But once you understand your anatomy and you actually want to put a little effort in trying to make sure that your partner is having a good time, size does not matter at that point, because people always have a good time.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: Okay, I hear you with that. Because if you really care what a person, both male and female, together, if you care what a person are, specifically, as in you don't have a format in your mind that sex supposed to be this every single time with every single woman or man, that you care about what they think, how they feel, even the center of the room, et cetera, et cetera, then size may matter less or size may not matter at all.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: I feel that a woman might like Frankfurter generally, but if you come with a Vienna sausage, but she really love you, it wouldn't matter. Like, she will still rock with it.
[00:05:37] Speaker D: Nah, it will.
[00:05:42] Speaker C: Love him unconditionally.
[00:05:46] Speaker D: Sorry.
[00:05:48] Speaker A: So let's. Let's bring it back to. Because what we always try to do on the show is we try to reach people where they are right. And biologically, what you have is what you have, unless you're going for some sort of enhancement, women do it. Women go and get butts, they get boobs. They do different things. Right. Men also go and do these.
[00:06:09] Speaker D: Or pop a pill.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah, pop a pill, or whatever they do. Right. What it comes down to is, what I'm asking is men place a lot of emphasis on this size and their whole bravado. You see, men have a certain walk and a certain flex if they feel that they rock in something. But does that make it appealing for a woman who's looking for something, maybe longer term or ultimately, if you're not a six and a half or ten or even if you have a four in that connection, what is really more important to a woman? And what are we really trying to communicate to men out there who biologically have what they have?
[00:06:47] Speaker D: I would say women don't really like the peacocking. You're walking around and you're like, yeah, my thing big, my thing big. We don't like that. But if you get to know somebody in the early stages and you're conversing and then you want to talk about sexual things, it happens at a certain point in conversing and courting or whatever, right.
You would want to get a little thing to play with your mind, like, let me see how long it is.
Banana or something. Because when you go home to sleep, you want to be like, oh, my gosh, when I get it, they're going to feel so bad. You know what I mean?
I don't think that's a thing that women need.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Well, but I want to bring, because again, I want to make sure this is a very powerful topic and I want to make sure that context is brought it. So, Johansey, is it the advent more of social media, the advent of maybe porn and so on, that gets people thinking more along those lines as opposed to where is this emphasis really? Where does it come from that is placed on your genitalia?
[00:08:06] Speaker B: That's an interesting question because you mentioned Kamasutra before, right.
In university. I remember doing an abnormal psychology class, right. And then recently I'm also studying forensic psychology, which deals with abnormalities, abnormal deviant behavior, et cetera. And most of these myths, right, myths. Myths are western society things because the kamasucha, in fact, kind of speaks about it, no matter size and all those things, it matter about compatibility, energy, understanding each other. So there's no bravado. Walk around who penis bigger? Who tighter, who anything like that. That's a western society thing. So if making that delineation from the start, then no, I think, of course, if it's a western society thing, then of course it will be embedded in different things in the culture. So songs we sing in magazines, porn by extension. And it will be, of course, reinforced that way. And what I've learned, one from personal experience and especially from being married and being in long term relationships, that maybe about 90% of these things that you learn, that's supposed to be what sex supposed to be really incorrect. And then from having couples counseling and talking to couples and friends, relationship, et cetera, a lot of it are mostly myths. And then I used to look at, in the abnormal psychology days, I used to look at a lot of interviews with porn stars, right? Both male and females. And they would tell you, is myths also, because a lot of it, you got to take one, take two, take three. They really don't last that long. Sometimes I take two pills in between to stay hard.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: Fluffer, they have a glue, all these different things that are to make it look like it's a lagly type thing to look as if they've experienced.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Women have to use so much lubrication because they're not tunnel anymore. So what we think is real is really still a performance, and that's not real.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Just to bring this one into context, we come back to, does size matter? And where it comes from is almost like you said, illusion. It comes down to, is the person having a good time? Because you have. One of the other parts that we want to discuss here is when men think they know what women are thinking, and women sometimes vice versa. But a man might think they use the term, I mash up that girl last night, boy. And the woman's probably thinking, nobody.
I've had children. So it really comes down to whether or not I'm enjoying you or not, as to whether I could accommodate you. Right? And in that perspective, why do men place so much emphasis on wanting to rougher up and wanting to do damage and mash up?
Is it really about the connection? Is it really about that moment? Or is it something more psychological? Is what I'm trying to get an understanding of as to why we have this almost aggression towards sex? And is it that porn is really giving us damaging?
[00:11:22] Speaker B: It's psychological, because even the last conversation we had about ego and desired effect, somebody wants, if they're not getting the effect they want, then they would go in a little more aggressive. We weren't specifically talking about sex, but we were generalizing. But if we're talking about psyche, that means it will manifest itself in different aspects of your behavior. So if it is you grew up seeing porn and a woman supposed to react a certain way, or based on the performance we see in the woman reacting a certain way, then that is schema that will come in your mind. So if the woman is not reacting that way, then either you doing something wrong or she doing something wrong. So it's not even about the connection anymore. It's about recreating a scenario in your mind that you saw that even her, she probably doing the same thing, forcing something.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: I'm talking about more than just the porn. I'm talking about. Is it any psyche if I go by Jamie and in my mind I'm like, hey, I want to handle what might be considered my business. Is it that I'm leaving there not even thinking about so much the moment, but I am more concerned in what she's left thinking. Is she thinking, I am the best, I was the best that she had? Like you hear sometimes with the hornerman that the man himself is not even thinking about the woman as he's doing it. He's thinking about the husband or the boyfriend or something. Like, I had to handle this business. So all she has is me on her brain. So it's almost like you need to spread your seed. You're spreading your mental image. You want it to be embedded into her brain that you somehow king but that's egotistical.
[00:13:08] Speaker C: That's back to what I was saying earlier with most men just go into situations for themselves.
It's almost like we must in with a woman really and truly, right?
We want to feel good mentally and physically. It's all for us. It's an illusion that we do in to cloud what we see is happening.
We claim that it is to make the woman feel better because that will make. But saying that mentally to ourselves is making us feel better in reality. And it's not about that now as me being on the coin of being the one a man already is less about just jamming hard, right?
I actually don't want to punish or bruise at all. Right? I actually want to be comfort. Because what I realize is that most women who take the opportunity to step out in a relationship, they trying to find solace within you. They're trying to find a friend really and truly, right? And they're looking for the heights, right? They still want to jump, right? But they horn it with a heart instead of their body. Most women horn with a heart instead of their body. So they want the man. They still want the rough up, so to speak. But they don't want me.
I can't be in my ego with the rough up.
I have to be really be doing it for her.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: I disagree with you because rough up doesn't equate ego. To me, ego is ego in your mind. Because you could be smooth as silk and real sensual. But it's still not about her. It's still about you making your mark.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: It's still about making your mark, you.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: Showing, well, I the best man you ever had, but you not thinking about a woman at all. So I think it's really the mindset, the mindset you're coming from. And so I agree with you that not all men, some men. And it's because, let me go back. We have said this before. A lot of us men walk around with low self esteem. Real, plenty of facts. So therefore, a lot of this could be born out of low self esteem. I could even tell you personally, I remember as a youth coming up, I read enough books and thinking on how to please a woman, all of those things. But thinking about it, it wasn't necessarily about her. It was about me wanting to feel good about myself. It was about me. So when she go and talk to somebody, or let's say she even talk to somebody, the reaction I want to get, that was about me, right? It's only later on when I got a little more mature in more long distance relationship and in marriage and things like that, it realized then, okay, that's a whole different mindset. But it took her even a while. And I would even say still even knowing because some of that is still creeping now, reevaluating is really not about me. It's about us.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: Yeah. When she's talking to her girlfriends, you wanted to be saying, hey, Dalman is our man. And again, I like how we put this into context because we need to take a short break. But the context is the people that are going around with low self esteem. Are we acting like that? Is it coming from a place of low self esteem where we want to make our mark? Is that really where we want to be making our mark? The mark is in sexual intercourse. So what we really want to come back and talk about now then is we're going from another area of low self esteem or importance to a man. Apart from does size matter in reference to a woman? Does the number a woman has had matter?
Take a short break.
Thank you for staying with us for this conversation. Again, just a reminder, it's pg into r. We're keeping it as sensitive as possible, but it's important that we have this conversation because at the root of many of the issues that we've spoken about across manhood and even in general, always come down to sex and the many variations and areas that might be deep seated around that subject. So we spoke about low self esteem that leads to this need for a man to make his mark, whatever that is, and how they then behave and why they do certain things. Why do they want to be the horner man? Why do they want to behave in a certain way in the bedroom? And as Niall intimated and also vocalized very clearly, that whole thing about, is it ultimately about us? All this self pleasure, even when we're with a woman, are we still about us at that particular point? You hear men sometimes say, oh, no, I want to make sure that she. Before I do. We could say that.
I think we could say that. But it was said, so if anything, we have to beat that.
But that then bottom line still comes back down to the ego to say, I want her to remember me. I'm not really that interested in how much he's pleasured.
I wanted to know that I was the man. I was the Don Juan Demarco, or.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: I have a picture of what sex supposed to be. So it may not even feel for her to remember me. I want to feel good that she reacts a certain way.
[00:18:50] Speaker A: Right.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: So it really matter even if she remember me, it happened the way I wanted. So I. Good.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Yes. This is the picture I had painted, and this is how it's been displayed. And it came to terms. I've seen it in the art gallery, as was. Sometimes they say, don't meet your heroes. Well, in this case, everything rolled out the way I thought it was going to be. Roll out, at least in your mind. So we come back down to one of the other questions where we spoke about, are men really accurate in what they think women are really thinking? And one of the biggest conversations around that is when we ask a woman, what's her number? So we asked, does size matter? Now we're asking what really goes on in a woman's mind or the conversation surrounding the why as well, why men even ask it in the first place about a woman's number.
[00:19:41] Speaker D: Okay, so we all know that there are double standards when it comes to women's sexuality and men's sexuality.
If a man has sex with, like, 25, woman is like, dan, you real?
And if a woman say, well, I went with 50, man, it's like, bruh, you're dying. So excluding that for me, when a man asks, where's your number, how much men you had sex with or whatever.
And I return the question. It's like why you want to know.
[00:20:24] Speaker B: That for majority men is really react that way when you ask them about.
[00:20:28] Speaker D: Yeah, because they would prefer to have a virgin. They would prefer to have a woman who had one man in she life and they would be quick to wife them or want to wife them. But a woman wouldn't want a man who's a virgin.
[00:20:48] Speaker B: That's true for you.
[00:20:49] Speaker D: Yeah, because he don't know what he's doing.
Let me be real. He don't know what he's doing.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: Right.
Okay.
[00:20:59] Speaker D: No, go ahead.
[00:21:01] Speaker C: Actually comes back down to this evening that we're talking about. As in a man want to be the one to teach.
In other words, I'm in competition with the two men that you probably was with before me mentally. And I need to know that I am better than those two. Again, going back to the ego of what men do.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: Pause there. So you're saying based on what I'm getting, is that the reason men ask or are going to be upset by the answer if it is that they feel that they underperform. But if you went with 20 women or 20 men, sorry. Or in your case, when you said 50 and you went 50 man, and he knows, okay, well, I am bigger than them, I last longer than them, and I am ultimately the champion, then it's okay. Is that what we say?
[00:21:52] Speaker C: I feel it might be better. In other words, I think what you're asking, in other words, if she says your eyes with 50 men and you were the best, I think I'm not going to take that.
[00:22:05] Speaker D: Rare information.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: So you're not really concerned whether it was your partner, whether it was your brother, whether it was a celebrity. It comes down to was I the best? And as long as you were the best, it's okay.
[00:22:21] Speaker B: Let me add me personally, why I would have wanted to know that is how it happened versus how many. So if you win relationships, like if you had a boyfriend before and you all had sex, I mean, you all in a relationship, but if it was like one night stands. So for me, I wouldn't want to go around men. Said I damn my wife in the bathroom some years ago, right? Not as when we were married, but seen that it's still going on. I hit higial in a carnival fet, things like that. That would be my personally, my concern more than necessarily the number.
[00:22:59] Speaker A: The reputation.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Yeah, the reputation of it. Because I would also add to my reputation, which I mean, could be my ego also. But I being honest with that.
[00:23:07] Speaker A: And is there any video footage, people taking pictures, et cetera? If you have certain personality that could come out later. You have children and all of a sudden something can surface. A sex tape, something can surface. And you're more interested at that point in that background or whether she was a loose goose.
But a lot. It then comes down to, as Jamie started off, a man goes with 25 women, a stud. A woman goes with a particular number, whatever is your perceived number because your number might be okay to Johannes's number. So it is all preference.
[00:23:41] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: And in that case, that woman is then perceived as a.
I guess that's how you were raised or you have some daddy issues.
A man to a man doesn't ask that question or think that. And a woman to a man doesn't feel that way.
[00:23:58] Speaker D: But I honestly think it's a generational thing because I've been conversing with a young guy and it's cool. It's cool for a woman to have how much amount of men like sexual partners in terms of men. Right. And the thing is.
[00:24:18] Speaker A: Jamie, let me pause you there.
Let me tell you something. You see court in when someone's court, and it's another part of the topic that we want to discuss today. When somebody's courting, you say or accept a lot because at that point, there's no deep connection. Right?
[00:24:36] Speaker C: In other words, you're doing anything to get.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: It's okay. Even you find it more with the Gen Z's where numbers and so on. It doesn't really matter. But in general, somebody's having a conversation. You say, yeah, I've slept with so and so. I did this. I did that. It's like, hey, you focus. You haven't gotten there yet.
No deep feelings as yet. When those feelings and so on start to come in, all of a sudden you might be concerned about the partner and what she did because now there's more than ego in stake here. You want to know that am I your best? Because I'm not with you. And I want to know that you're not thinking about Harry or Jeremy or whoever it is while.
[00:25:16] Speaker D: But for me, my reason for asking amanda is to make sure that I think sex is a spiritual thing as well as physical. And I don't want to be with a man that have so much exchange of souls.
So I don't want to be confused and don't know how I feel in and all kind of thing because of the exchange of whoever energy that person, them people that he was with has. I don't want to get that now. So I would ask a man for that reason, and then I would know, okay, I could continue on to see a potential relationship with this man or not. I personally don't want a man who have 100, 150, I don't want.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: But does the number matter? Because when you talk about soul ties, it's a matter of who that person. That man slept with a woman who slept with another man, who slept with another woman. And it goes on and on. So, in other words, if you slept with a man, slept with a man who had 100 women, or you slept with a man who had two, the connections of soul ties, there could still be the same.
[00:26:29] Speaker D: It could be, but that's why we had to talk about sexual history.
[00:26:34] Speaker B: So that many less number, of course, still would be preferable. To be honest. I'll tell you my personal opinion. For me, the less sexual partners, even for myself, because I understand what you're saying about just going around and only, please, I have friends who have had more than 50 partners and friends who have had less male and female lego males first. Right. And that's soul tie. That's a real thing now.
[00:27:06] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: Because for a lot of the men, it is really them up real bad. Right. And I could see where they are now. Searching for something. Because bonding, the bonding between a man and a wife, the likelihood of the bond happening reduces the more sexual partners you have. Right. And I remember at time, our partner tried to tell me, if you wear a condom, then really, every soul really tight. But, I mean, we're talking about a soul ties. It's more emotional because it wasn't plastic.
[00:27:41] Speaker D: Right.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: So, I mean, there are stereotypes. We could say it's a personal preference, but hearing these things, I realize sometimes you really had to be honest with yourself. We have all these euphemisms and these myths and whoever it is to brass that I honestly think I could be wrong, but I think each person really could want to be each other's first, or at least they don't want to be with somebody who've been with a lot of people. If you had a one relationship before and there was a long term relationship, I mean, you would have sex with the person. But the multitude of partners, to be honest, I don't think anybody really want a partner with many partners.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: But there are people. But like you said with Jamie, where she said a woman mightn't want a man who is inexperienced. Right. But then you have people who. A man who's had maybe several women and you still find a woman who goes, he don't know how to handle.
[00:28:38] Speaker B: He don't know to please her.
[00:28:39] Speaker D: Exactly.
[00:28:40] Speaker A: Because again, it's understand that language and that you have to communicate to be able to say, hey, whether a man might be selfish in Italy, to be able to say to him, listen, I want foreplay, I want cuddling, I want these different things. Or you're not really doing it right, but you may be holding back. He may be thinking he's performing and doing what he has to. Which is why you then have people who fake orgasms. And all of these things come as a result of lack of communication or being afraid to hurt feelings, which is a segment, I mean, a conversation we've had in the past where we are not open with regards to our feelings. But I still want to come down to, why is it the information if asked? One, why do we ask? And two, the information that's forthcoming is not always accurate. So you always hear, if they say, when I wanted a tree, it might be, multiply that by seven or multiply by three, multiplied by three.
[00:29:39] Speaker C: The reality is that males egos are very brittle. The fact that we ask in generally is because most of our egos brittle. And a lot of women suss us out very early. Most women could tell the level of how much a man could take from the minute that she start to have a conversation with them.
[00:29:59] Speaker A: Or is she embarrassed by it? She thinks it's.
[00:30:02] Speaker C: I think it's really about embarrassment. Because I know that if a woman.
[00:30:05] Speaker B: Really R-E-A-L-L-Y-R-A-Y-E really embarrassed by their number.
[00:30:12] Speaker C: I think that because she will have no problem talking to her female friends about it. So it's not an embarrassment.
It's really about if I'm interested in this man and I know that his ego can't take a particular number because they know woman's intuition are next level.
[00:30:31] Speaker A: Then fake from the start, she will.
[00:30:33] Speaker C: Now throttle her answer based on whatever she thinks that your ego is.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: So it's fake from the start?
[00:30:42] Speaker C: I wouldn't say fake. I would say, first of all, everybody puts on a face for everybody else. Yes, in the beginning.
[00:30:52] Speaker B: It doesn't stop it from being a liar.
[00:30:54] Speaker C: Well, then everybody's liars.
Because men wearing a fake gold watch or whatever to give the illusion of wealth is all lies. Correct. Get our mate to a point where we could now be ourselves.
[00:31:08] Speaker B: So point where it could be yourself.
[00:31:10] Speaker C: Yeah, that's the reality. Right. But back to the point I was making, right, the reason why orgasms get faked is because, again, back to we try not throttle. By the way, ladies, let me just preface this with men fake orgasms too good. That's just the reality. Right.
[00:31:28] Speaker D: That all makes sense because I have. Because, okay, when a man orgasms, do you mean. It's ejaculation?
[00:31:37] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:38] Speaker D: Right. But if a man.
[00:31:40] Speaker A: But you always check in, Jamie, do you always check?
[00:31:42] Speaker C: Yes, Jamie.
[00:31:43] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:31:44] Speaker A: They pull out and they have a condom and you pull out and you see, with ktconny, no, it wouldn't be any dark.
[00:31:50] Speaker D: Number one, I like lights.
[00:31:52] Speaker C: Well, it's sometime in my beanie dark, but I'll fake a headache or two. But point is, I have on our back already.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: Thank you for sharing that.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: I think with that one, we need.
[00:32:07] Speaker D: To take a break.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: We need to take a break with that one. Ladies and gentlemen, a lot of good conversation here. So we take a short break and come back manhood. Nile boy. Oh, God.
[00:32:31] Speaker D: We are back talking about sexual, everything sexual. And we closed off the second break with Niall talking about men fake orgasms. And I didn't agree with that because to me, for a man to feel like he did something, all right, he finished.
Ejaculation occurs with a woman. Not all the time. You could tell that she is.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:33:08] Speaker D: You know what I mean? Because some women, due to probably drinking enough water, it might be not as fluid as you supposed to be. So you can't really tell. Now, it's easier for a woman to fake an orgasm than a man.
[00:33:26] Speaker A: We would repeat it, right? Let's not.
[00:33:28] Speaker D: Yes.
So that's interesting because men are somewhat connot.
You know what I mean? You all are cons just to close this, right? All right.
[00:33:39] Speaker C: That are your cons. Just to close it. It's more like it back down to feeding egos. That's the whole point. People fake anything in a relationship, right?
[00:33:49] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:33:50] Speaker C: I want to feed her ego because I don't want to see any time saying, yo, I am bored or I'm no longer interested or I have something better to do.
[00:33:58] Speaker D: I just want to embarrass her.
[00:34:00] Speaker C: I don't want her to feel bad about herself. The same reason or the same way that a woman fake orgasm with a man. She wants to feed our ego. She wants us to feel better about ourselves. When she leaves here and I go about my day, I can't go about feeling like way boy.
I didn't make a orgasm that just ruined my whole day. Now I mad in traffic going to work.
[00:34:23] Speaker A: Is that why then things would come up like women say things like what's the term you all use earlier? Zaddy. So is it that you say a big Zaddy? So all of that comes about as a result of feeding that ego you want while that man is with you, the woman is probably saying to themselves, I want to feel that he was the biggest and best I had, but it's Bs.
[00:34:45] Speaker D: Listen to me. If I care about him, then I would feel into the ego or whatever, but I will if I care about him.
That one session probably was bad, you understand? But he was like, oh, my God, up atops on the first, the second, the fifth, the 10th.
[00:35:04] Speaker A: And if he's not. But you like how he makes you.
[00:35:06] Speaker D: Laugh, how he makes you, wouldn't be like, you'll be like, oh, gosh, it's good. What you want to drink.
[00:35:14] Speaker A: You show me you don't care about.
[00:35:16] Speaker B: Well, because, listen, I realized from this, we need to have plenty more these conversations, especially around sex, because sex is such a taboo thing. I mean, I hear that word sex is a taboo subject. I hear now since I was about five years old and it still seemed like it's a taboo subject. So we really need to be honest.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: This episode is going to be seen. There are going to be people that are going to listen to it. They're going to be up in arms. But it's the conversation everyone is having, including the people who are going to be upset by the way it's going to come across. But it might.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: Now, we had to have these conversations, boy, because, listen, so many relationships become unhealthy because of lying and then lying with sex. And then because people lie even to themselves about sex, they do not even how to enjoy sex properly. And then I'm not enjoying sex. I already put in five years, ten years, I'm not enjoying it. And then I had a horny person, then I had to watch porn, these unhealthy paradigms and behavior. So I real happy having this conversation.
[00:36:28] Speaker D: As you said, I want to ask you a question. Right?
You were talking about pleasing.
If you could just be vocal and communicate with your partner with reference to what you would like or whatever.
I have a question in terms of why do the majority of women like rough sex or love rough up or a little choke neck wild again, passion. The majority of women like that.
[00:37:02] Speaker B: I would say it's passion because a lot of women, and I would say even my personal relationships and having sessions with couples is about passion. A lot of women don't feel like they get passion from the man, right? So they would sometimes even outside of the bedroom, they would provoke here, show you provoke a man. Want a Gary action out there. Because a lot of times women is be stoic, right? A lot of times, even for ego. Well, she can't get me Vexna. So you keeping it inside, but you're really Vexna. So again, we lie in her. We men sometimes really want to let out passion, let out emotion, but we're not doing it. And then if women are emotional creatures, that's part of the dynamic. So they want to know. And we could even go ego. I want to want to know. I could get a certain reaction from a man, right? So then we're coming back into the sex now because a lot of times women hold back. We hold back and say, release now this release sometime. Men release, an outside release sometimes. So choke me, do me something.
And wherever it is, of course, I mean, that could depend on the woman's upbringing, what her personal preferences are. But they do even also have to be choking. It could be dig your hands in a certain sound.
[00:38:24] Speaker A: I like where you're going with that. And I understand the psychology of it, which is apt. And that also. But there's also a reasoning behind sometimes with the choking, and it's about heightened sexual feeling. So when a woman's about to ejaculate or, I'm still not sure whether that's a word that we could, but we all understand.
[00:38:48] Speaker C: Everybody uses it.
[00:38:51] Speaker A: Come at that moment, by that almost asphyxiation, you're stopping air from going to blood and your brain. So it heightens the.
[00:39:07] Speaker B: I'll go back to passion or no, you want to feel something. Most times. I mean, I don't know everybody in the world, so I can't speak for everybody, but most times when we have sex, we want to have some sort of connection, right? Some sort of connection. I didn't say it don't have to be the purest. It don't have to be the most sensual, but we want some kind of connection. And therefore, there are different ways that that connection expands itself, that manifests itself. So it could be, I want raw to raw, right? I'm going to see something. I don't know if we could see this. I remember I was watching a show, billions. I don't know if you ever watched that series billions. And one of the characters says he loved, right?
Right. So he was actually talking to a therapist. He was actually talking to a therapist in terrible. So I was like, why? And he thought about it and he said the fact that the woman loved him in his rawest form means a lot to him right now that's expressed. It could be in a very explicit way and it could. Even some people think it's a nasty way. But if you understand the deeper psychological behind it, he wants to be accepted for who he is. And I think all of us want to be accepted for who we are, but yet we just lie. We lie when we in bed, we lie about what we really want. We just fake orgasm. We do all these kind of things each other, just saying what we really want.
[00:40:28] Speaker D: The reason why I ask you that, I know we crunch for time. The reason why I ask you that is because a woman told me once that it's because of how women think. Women constantly think. Men have the ability to just shut down, sit on and not think about anything. We don't have the ability. Even when we sleep in, our brains keep working. So she said that because we are constantly stressed from your menstrual cycle, from dealing with inequality in your workplace or whatever, that pain, it comes out during sex.
And by getting physically like someone getting aggressive with you during sex is a release for women.
[00:41:17] Speaker B: That makes sense. Psychosomatic, because psycho meaning mental, somatic, meaning body, right? I've heard and women and men know if we have pain and we're not vein too much pain, we do something to numb it. So it could be a lot of people take tattoos. The pain from the tattoo does numb their pain in life. They cut themselves, cutting themselves, alcohol, gambling, porn, we go through. So I could understand because sex is an expression of self, so you would want it there also. So that makes sense.
[00:41:45] Speaker A: So is that part of why we then saying that women may want a certain element of roughing up? Because in the pain you have, women who may want, as we're coming back to size, may want a bigger size at that point because they enjoy any pain or any sex and all these other things that is the pain of that is giving them some sort of.
[00:42:02] Speaker B: Pleasure or release pleasure or numbing.
[00:42:07] Speaker A: Because like you said, numbing because women, sometimes you hear it all the time where women are not all women. Again, we're not speaking on behalf of some women.
And that's the representative and Jamie has to say that women for the most part about feelings. So when they're having sex, it's about that connection, it's about that feeling. Whereas a know you see it all the time. Even in an argument. A man and a woman has an argument and the man comes to the woman to say apologize or because he want peace or you want something and she not she want to hold on to that grudge whereas a woman you could be as upset as a woman come on, whisper tooting in your ear.
You ready to go? Because you're not really making. You don't really need all those connections there to have sex again, this is not speaking on behalf of all women but one of the things that you also understand as we talk about connection is that when a man and woman copulate are trying to make sure we broadcast on television copulate to perform quite us let's use the words from the old roman times quite us.
And when that act happens also in order to make the full connection between male genitalia and of course female is to also ensure that both the chest the connection is there so there's a point is it under prior nama again people might connection here and there which.
[00:43:57] Speaker C: Is my favorite position, by the way.
[00:43:59] Speaker D: What's that?
[00:44:00] Speaker A: So missionary it's important to have that but again I just use that complain.
[00:44:04] Speaker D: About that position well, nobody saying stay.
[00:44:07] Speaker B: Any position not all men. So you're coming into technique.
[00:44:12] Speaker A: Technique, right.
[00:44:15] Speaker B: Technique is so intricate because that is an honesty thing to get it because when two people meet each other for the first time you could have sex with 50 people each when you meet each other you all could be virgins to each other because you don't know each other technique, right.
[00:44:33] Speaker A: That's almost your closing to.
[00:44:45] Speaker B: So virgin see Chad? Yes. You may have experience having sex so you know what the anatomy is like but even in that is to really learn that person. Now sometimes Robert is telling us think about things in a utopian manner, right? But to me part of the point of this is coming up with solutions we want to be better. We want to be better as men, right? And yes we have women on the show sometimes but we as men we want to be better when we go in our relationships even to ourselves talking to our children, talking to other young men we want to be better at it. So if we look at this in a better manner so technique, no technique we could watch as much porn as we want we may never meet that woman porn and then remember it's an act. Porn is an act no matter how much reality porn it might have or things like that or sex tapes even sex tapes. No, they know you're being taped. People know they've been taped. So most likely.
Exactly.
Technique really, I think is an honesty thing. One, you being honest, your partner, your partner being honest to you and then if you in tune with your partner because I remember I'll tell you this I remember we're talking about size, right? But I remember in a relationship, I remember once size, depending on how the person felt in that moment, whether she would want all or she would want some, right? And I remember thinking in my linear thinking before, in my mind, it's all at all. You want all if you're not going all the way up, and she's not feeling it, something wrong. But she was saying sometimes she don't want that, right? And I thought, she's lying now, right? But only after talking to other people. We should detecting difference. Some days they want it fast, some days they want it slow. Some days they want a quick two minutes, she said, and I think, let me get a cookie. And I think, nah, my burners always had to be long. It had to be thing, because that's what I learned. But that detecting for that day, different. Detecting for the morning might be different.
[00:46:44] Speaker A: For the technique from the roughing up aspect.
[00:46:48] Speaker B: Roughen up quick might be for the morning, it might be an evening. So this is really, I mean, human. That's why I love having these conversations. Human dynamics and human behavior is a lovely thing, but for you to work, we had to be honest first with ourselves. Know what you want, know what you like, and then connect with your partner.
[00:47:06] Speaker A: So we, as Jamie, you want to be honest women, you want to be honest with the men, especially if you're seeing your feelings for them, because it sells. First with themselves first, and then communicate. Because if you say you love them, if you say you love them, then the best way to express that, and I'll be part of my closing to have that quick discussion. But it's time for us to wrap this particular conversation. A lot has come out of it. So you want to say you want to finish your thoughts.
[00:47:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
People, I employ you, right? And I'm saying I know even perfect at it, because there are certain paradigms I'm still trying to get over. But the only way to get over it is being honest. Right? Honest with yourself, especially. We're talking about sex. Sex, I think, is an important part of relationships, is an important part of human connection, and then it's an important part of what's procreated. So be honest about first what you like, be honest with your partner about what you like, and then also be perceptive. Because sometimes people may not be as expressive as you, but if you perceptive, you could see he like this, she like this. So you could maybe do a little more of that and ask. So the point is, one, honesty, and also two, being caring. And empathetic to your partner to understand what they want or what they may like. Jimmy?
[00:48:25] Speaker D: I would say women know how to hit a man where it hurts in terms of getting them to be on your level when you're angry. And Jose, emasculating men, that has somewhat become a reoccurring theme in terms of relationships, I would say for Trinidad, right, because I can't speak about any country and we as a whole, citizens, male, female, we had to do better. So more conversations, like know, interact with us when we have our shows every Friday, interact in the chats, share so we could get more resolve through discussion and just being open and raw about situations on our holistically.
[00:49:22] Speaker C: I would say, and I'll keep it short, the amount of sexual partners that the person that you with had is none of your business and you don't need to ask.
And that's about it.
[00:49:35] Speaker A: I want to close to say, first off, Niall, I'm proud of you.
I'm proud that you kept it pg. I appreciate that. And that being said on a serious note is that this conversation needed to be had.
And conversations like this, as Johansey pointed out, need to continue to happen.
It's the basis, it's the root cause.
It's sometimes the outcome of issues such as low self esteem, insecurity, pent up anger. All of these things come and they manifest in areas such as this. And as you've heard by this discussion today, and this conversation, so much has come out, the fact that in certain cases where we feel that sometimes being honest is actually holding back and part of that love is actually holding back, not to allow that person to feel a particular way, but we really need to get to the root cause of what that is and what comes out of that. So, Niall, you pointed it out. Does the number really matter at that point?
Let's face it, everyone, you might like it, but the truth is they cannot change the past. You cannot change the past. So if you intend in your court imperial to get that information, decide at that point, that's your red flag. Get out.
[00:50:56] Speaker D: Correct.
[00:50:56] Speaker A: If you continue to move forward, know that the person cannot change their past and to continue going down a road of what can almost be seen as a form of domestic violence, that's mental abuse, by constantly having attack on that person for that number of things that they can't change now, if they're going back in the past and they take an attack back or they're bringing it about, as you say, hitting people where it hurts, that's an entirely different story. But if that's not the case, then the only number that really matters is the fact that you can count on them. And that's what's really important.
[00:51:29] Speaker B: I like that.
[00:51:31] Speaker D: Gems. Boy gems.
[00:51:35] Speaker A: So in closing, I love the fact that we've come to the main nugget for me was that we are trying to make our mark and really have to check yourself on that. Check yourself on where is that coming from? Is that making your mark in society? Or are you making your mark out of insecurity and things that really don't matter? Because what you think the woman thinks is a totally different thought most of the time. So this has been manhood. Johansei Jamie Niall. Always a pleasure. This conversation today. Sexual prowess. Sexual myths. They are myths.
