Can men & women handle the truth

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Thank you once again for joining us on manhood. It's a conversation like no other. And the idea is always to reach everyone where they're at. And we always say we are a few men reaching, trying to reach all men, but we are not speaking on behalf of, of all men. And you'd think 1012 conversations in I would have got that by now. But we really are trying to speak on all topics. And the conversation never really ends. The episodes may end, manhood may end at some point, but the conversation will always continue. I'm delighted to have once again on the panel, resident behavior change consultant Johanse Ayodke. Always a pleasure. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:00:54] Speaker A: A friend, Siobhan Metevier, artist, actor, I wouldn't know singer comes into there but know trial and error, not professionally. Voiceover radio personality and Javel junior Lee Limo, comedian, actor, host, radio personality the list goes on and on. It was a bit longer next time. I mean, it wasn't in your writer. It wasn't in your writer, all the things I had to say. So next time. So the conversation here today is certainly going to be a very energetic one, a very lively one. So I'm really looking forward to it. But at the end, we're trying to meet everyone where they're at. And the conversation, the topic is still a very serious one. And the topic today is, can women and men handle the truth? Can we actually handle the truth? And some of the topics that we're hoping to cover are feelings, sexual performance, compromise, among others. And there was one other big one inside of there, and I'm trying to buy some time to remember it. But while we do it, let's get into it. So can men or women really handle the truth? Let's start off with feelings. If you really say how you feel about a particular situation or how you're not feeling about a particular situation, because you may start one way and things die off. [00:02:33] Speaker B: All right. Let me show something. Of course, right. I think that men could handle truth more than women. Right. Let me tell you why. Because how we men mostly have to navigate the world is based on truth. So if you have no money, you had a face reality job, you had a face reality. If you want certain things, you know, you have certain qualifications, things to face, et cetera, et cetera. If you are one of a certain caliber, you know, you had to come good with certain things, you had to face the truth. But in some of my experiences with women, women tend to more want to live in a fantasy world, right? They want things the way they want it, even if it's not really like that. Do I look good in this? You really want a person to say, yes, right? But the truth may be you're not looking good in that. So if you say, woman know what she want the response to be. So if I say, naya looking good, what I looking good and start on the line, I say, but you ask me the truth, right? So I'll open it with that. [00:03:38] Speaker A: So just based on that, it always reminds me, Adam, really sorry to everyone who's listening and viewing that. When we talk about people handling reality, I'm not sure I buy into the whole that men can handle truth more than women, because I know there are instances myself where the truth hurts. But there was one meme that I saw that actually said, the woman said, can you just tell me exactly what you think for this entire day? And they went to go out and she put on a dress, and she said, do you think I look in fat in this? And he went, no, you're fat. Making you look fat. If you really had to go to that level of where someone could be almost, if you knew both of you were clairvoyant and you spoke what you had to say, can women and men, in your opinion, really handle that raw truth? [00:04:41] Speaker C: With that particular example, I feel like you can still be truthful, but you don't have to be mean. So with anything in life, it's always be how. [00:04:49] Speaker A: That's how you say it. [00:04:50] Speaker C: Yes. And for this particular topic, when you like men or women, I want to say I feel like, against what Johansey said, I feel like men are more likely to not handle the truth as well as women. A couple instances in the case of, let's say the easiest thing, relationships, feelings. For example, if a woman comes to you and tells you how she feels about a situation, I feel like men generally go into their ego. So, yes, I agree. Women can be, we can be delusional and live in that fantasy world, but with men, I feel like they can also not be willing to face the truth. But from an ego perspective, if I am not happy with Xyz, and maybe it's how men have been raised, like generally the average man or those that I've come across, whether it's friends, family, exes who have not, they just don't have that emotional sensitivity as I would have had or some of my female counterparts. So it just feels like anything you come, it's almost as if it's. It demasculated. Emasculated. Emasculating. In a sense. And you are just trying to be honest. So I have had that experience where I would have, again, with the how, but even in the how, they always got defensive, and it just made me feel like, okay, I cannot be honest with this person. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Okay, now, a rose by any other name is still a rose. So I agree with you that it's not what you say sometimes, it's how you say it. But if you tell your man, or man tells a woman, either way, I'm not on you anymore. So he says it in that way, which is a bit harsh, but however he dresses it up or she dresses it up, and it comes down to the bottom line is, I don't want to be with you anymore. Whether it's I just have lost that love for you. I don't like how you make me feel, or I found someone else, does it really make it any easier? Or when someone says, you're sweet, or, it's not you, it's me. [00:07:02] Speaker D: I think most times, if it reached that point of, like, I not on you anymore, it's because of suppression of emotions. You've been wanting to see it. Correct. And she probably said something to trigger, like, I not on you no more, gil. Like, leave me alone. Like, I've done. You know what I mean? Well, I don't think humans and a whole does just come out of the door with an aggressive or defensive tone. I think it'd be a build up of, like, you have these thoughts running wrong, your mind snowball effects, and it's just like, yo, I want to tell you, but again, I don't know, you react to what going to see, and it just come out, and just come out sometime. You know what I mean? So I don't think anybody does. [00:07:46] Speaker B: Let me see anybody wake up one day. [00:07:53] Speaker D: You know what I mean? Sorry to cut you majority every time. When people do things poetic, especially, like, with a breakup or anything like that, I think there's still any person. Because if you have so much effort to be like, you know, roses are red, violets are blue, but roses must die. [00:08:12] Speaker C: I don't want to be with you. [00:08:13] Speaker D: I don't want to be with you. I think it still have a level of. [00:08:17] Speaker C: You can still have care for the. [00:08:19] Speaker D: Yeah, you still have that level of care. But for you to say, yo, I'm not on you, bro. That person done enough. [00:08:26] Speaker A: So the irony is that the fourth thing, remember I said we want to really present four things here. And the irony is we spoke about feelings. I said sexual performance and then compromise. And the fourth one was actually breakups, which all ties into feelings. And because it's such a major one, and breakups can come in all shapes, forms and sizes. And we speak about the fact that someone's breaking up can be connected also to someone's love language. And you're not wanting to say something instead of the snowball effect while it's happening, while we're rolling at that particular point. If you say certain things at that point, maybe you can diffuse it. In essence, if something's going to happen, it's going to happen. I mean, whether it happens now or happens ten years from now, if it's destined to happen, it's going to happen. But maybe the sharpness of it, maybe the residual feelings or the resentment may not be there where people can possibly be friends if they have a breakup. So the love language is if you are feeling a particular way and you're saying, listen, this woman, like you mentioned about ego, because men are really a lot based on ego, you want to be touched in a certain way more than women driven by ego. Right. I would leave that for you to talk about ego, because men are mostly about ego. And if it is that you are in a particular way, you want a certain. Your love language might be to be touched, and that's not happening for you, or you want to get a certain pleasure and that's not happening, you might build it up. Build it up. Like, okay, well, what's the bigger picture here? I could put that aside or I'm not going to bring that up now. Or sometimes I might step out in order to get it because I'm tired asking for it at home. And then it reaches to the point that, like you said, one day something happens and you just turn around and be, like, gone from here. Now. [00:10:23] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:10:24] Speaker B: Well, I think the progressive aspect of it because as Javel was saying, and you were saying, it's not just you just come up with it. And I think truth should be, and I'll kind of know what Siobhan is saying in terms of respect. If every day you see something that you may not like or disapprove of, you could say it, because in that moment, let's say it's a small thing and because a small thing, you don't have that much emotional charge. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Could and should. [00:10:51] Speaker B: And should. Right. Are you using that because you could be triggered by something even outside a relationship, but if that one moment, you're able to say, baby, honey, I don't like this. Right? That's day one versus waiting until day 100, where is this build up. And that's where the truth is. Because again, we could question whether men or women could handle truth better. But Siobhan, you were saying based on the person's upbringing also how emotionally mature a man or woman could be. And I mean, I'll come with that ego with men and women a little later, but I really think it's in each moment, every day to tell small truth, to be truthful so it wouldn't build up to it come out in that disrespectful manner. [00:11:35] Speaker D: But you don't think like telling small truths on a daily basis can actually make your partner feel like you just have a problem on the hole with me because it's every day something like, just say, use a man, but you don't like your girlfriend leaving a shoe by the door. Let's use that, for example. Let's mention that today, baby. No, I really don't like when they leave that shoe by the door. That tomorrow you don't like when she put a key on Iraq that sits in way, hey, baby, you know the key on Iraq? Something about that. But I keep doing that for 100 days. This person going to feel like every day is something with me. Then you have a problem with me. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Then what is it you like about? [00:12:24] Speaker B: Well, then what you're saying is two things. One is in the first stages of any relationship, you have to do things like. [00:12:30] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:12:30] Speaker B: I remember the first year marriage is really. I like this, I do like this, I like this, I do like this upon until you find out because you're. [00:12:38] Speaker D: Building to live with someone. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Right. And let me say, even outside our marriage is boyfriend and girlfriend or, you know, getting to know each other, you would say the things you like. You would say the things you don't like. So then what you're saying is, one, we should also balance that truth with positive things. Right, that's what I'm hearing and I like that. And then two, the reality of any relationship is in the first stage, you really need to go through these things because maybe now we're thinking is the first stages of a relationship. And maybe, let's call it the honeymoon stage. But maybe honeymoon stage is a facade because we really should be saying in those early stages, I really do like this thing. [00:13:15] Speaker D: See, that's putting up a dover. Yeah, because once I get you. [00:13:20] Speaker A: This is, as always, it's very good convo. But we're speaking a lot specifically about relationships. But the context is men and women. So it could be your female friends, it could be your colleagues. It could be a sister, it could be a mother. But generally, can a man or woman handle the truth because it's both genders. You want to ask who can handle it? Probably better. And Johan's presence by saying men can handle it better. I didn't get the feeling, Siobhan, that you fully agreed with that. [00:13:56] Speaker C: I don't fully agree. I think if we have to really extend, get a more extensive answer, I would say it is subjective to the person because I've seen both instances where women handle truth better than men or they didn't handle it better than men. But I guess for this conversation, if I had to go with the easiest answer, the quickest answer that comes to mind, I would say men. And that would have been based on what I have seen, what I've experienced. And I know you have some things to say about ego, male and female ego. So even if they're both the same size, I feel like men are more driven or would react with their ego than women. I feel like we kind of suppress that. You know what I mean? [00:14:41] Speaker A: If we're talking about male and female egos here, are we saying that it depends on what is attacked? For example, if the male is being attacked based on his masculinity or if we go back to the innate neanderthal approach of men being the hunter and women being the nurturer. If you attack a man based on that aspect of it, like you can't provide and you can't do this. Whereas if you see the same things to a woman, her reaction might be different because it's a different subject. But if I know attacker on your bad mother, then you might get a bigger reaction. [00:15:26] Speaker D: As Siobhan said, it's based on a person as well. It's based on your maturity level and the relationship you have a person where it be your sister, your cousin or a partner. It has certain things that men identify strongly with. Like as you said, providing. Like I'm a young man and I identify strongly with providing. If my mother ever see, because my mom live with me. If my mom Jesse, you don't have it. Like. [00:16:00] Speaker C: You can't mind me. [00:16:01] Speaker D: That will rip me apart. And even when I'm in a relationship, I tend to like, don't pay for that. Don't do that. I have it. That's only because there are certain things where you identify with as a man, I feel like I have to do that. That's just my role as a man. So if somebody attacks that naturally you'll respond and you'll feel like you're egoistic. You're a journalist. If I come and I tell you you like sports, I say, well, Robert, you know about sports, you're not good. You gotta be like, I don't know about sports. I see sportsman. I like the imitation, naturally. [00:16:37] Speaker A: Or I might agree with you. [00:16:39] Speaker D: Or you can be mature enough to be firming yourself and just be like, cool. Like if somebody say, hey, juniorly, you're not funny on stage, cool. Because you know money doing it. [00:16:50] Speaker C: And this is your area of expertise. You're not going to let somebody who doesn't know what you do and what it takes to be you and be in your position tell you anybody could say anything. It's how you let that, I guess, affect you. [00:17:01] Speaker A: So if I tell you you're not funny, right? That's just my opinion. And opinions are like, everybody has one. So I am saying that. [00:17:09] Speaker D: But I see something in relationships, like your partner could have an opinion and I don't necessarily mean that is the reality. Like, I have an uncle. He's been married for years and his wife told him something a day. Oh, no, actually that was an uncle. That's my father. His wife told him something a day. And rather than arguing with her, he said he sat down, he let the day pass. And when he woke up in the morning, he said, hey, will you tell me last night that is not me? Like you said, that was anger and that is not who I am. So you're painting a picture of me in your brain that do exist. And when they had a conversation, she said, yeah, I really just said those things out of anger. So you as a man and as a woman, you had to know, like, all right, this person is angry, so they're talking out of anger here. So I just go in and allow you to speak out of anger. In my relationships, Dory is all confidential. [00:18:09] Speaker C: It's between the four of us here. [00:18:11] Speaker D: So in my relationship, just recently, I had an argument and I was beaming on the phone, but I didn't blow up because I've learned over the years, because I've been replaced in a little bit. So I've learned I don't have to blow up. I don't have to be like that. But I was calm. I was like, I don't appreciate this. And within me being calm, I said some things where I said it calm. And she was like, you're seeing those things because you're upset right now. And normally that would trigger me and this could turn into a big argument, but I'm not going to allow you to do that today and a day after I revisit what I was saying, and I was like, yeah, I was really just seeing those things because I was upset. I was really upset because I already get my points across. But, hey, I find you're not really bothered by what I seen, so let me amp it up a little bit. [00:19:03] Speaker A: So what is the root? Is what you're really trying to get to. So that might have been a trigger, but the root could have been the fact that you just don't like how she reacts or not react to a particular. We have to take a short break. A lot of good convo here. The topic, can men and women handle the truth? So thanks for staying with us for a very riveting and exciting conversation, one that can really bring about a culmination of most of the conversations that we've had. Can men and women handle the truth? And there's so many areas. Feelings, compromise, breakups, which ties into feelings and sexual performance, sexual performance being a very big one. But before we went to the break, Javel was making a really good point about conversations that you have. And in an argument, is what you're actually discussing or arguing about, is that actually what's wrong? I mean, it might be a small part of it, but sometimes what is the root cause, the deeper meaning behind someone leaving their socks there? Because if everything was perfect, would that really make a difference? It might be you feeling disrespected. You're feeling, know, I just cleaned the don't you don't love me anymore. And it's all of these things that snowball effect, because we might not be seeing these small truths. And as Johansey pointed out, even if you're giving these small truths, not only it's a matter of how you say it, but also the affirmations that you give along the way with that small truth that allows them to say, you know what, leaving the fridge door open, I understand why it might be a pet peeve. It's not something, whether it is a pet peeve or not, it's out of respect. Like, is it really taking anything out of me to close the fridge door? Because actually it does waste energy. Am I doing this to be antagonistic? And why am I doing it to be antagonistic? Am I trying to also get attention, or is it just me? Correct. So when you do your own introspection and some of the things I realize in an argument with anyone or any sort of heated discussion, when someone's at 80, you cannot be at even 30, there's the 80 20 rule. There's only 100%. So if you're at 80 and somebody is at 30, then there's clearly going to be an imbalance. So if they are 80, you need to be at 20 at the very most. And that comes with waiting. So when you're writing a letter, for example, email at work, and you want to send it to somebody, and you have all this pent up anger, and you're seeing all of these different things sometimes, apart from grammatical errors, when you go back and you say, wow, they didn't punctuate this properly, you may realize that, I don't want to send this anymore because you've come down and looking at that and having that pause, being a bit pensive sometimes in your actions, taking a moment, my grandmother would always say, put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion may help diffuse some of these things, but in diffusing it in an argument doesn't mean to suppress you. Just choose your battle if it means enough to you. Because you might realize these socks don't really mean a lot to me, but if it means enough to you that you realize, listen, this could start to degrade or pick away, or you're chiseling little bits, little bits, little bits at the relationship. And women, as you hear in relationships as well, in that suppression, reach to a point that there's of no return. They've suppressed so long that by the time you realize, oh, this is happening, or that's what your men may be done, in her mind, lock off looking at that next man. [00:23:06] Speaker C: So I think women are really good observers, and I've come to the realization that people don't necessarily do things to be malicious. You leave any socks where you're not supposed to leave it, leave any fridge open, you're not doing it because you want badmind me. Not always. Well, this is granted, you like the person and you love the person you're. [00:23:28] Speaker B: Being with, I would hope so. [00:23:30] Speaker C: I would hope so that you're not intentionally being malicious. But if I have communicated to you that I don't like when you leave the socks, or I don't like when you leave the refrigerator open and you repeat it and it continues, that's when it becomes problematic to me, because I've expressed that I don't like this. So then why do you continue to do it when it's a simple thing and I ask, not simple, but go ahead. Well, I feel like it's a simple enough of a habit that you could just break. So I had that conversation with someone. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Break simple habit. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Awkward pause there, but okay. [00:24:08] Speaker C: So I had a conversation with someone where they were doing something repetitively, and I would have asked them multiple times not to do it. And I just asked them casually. I was like, how come you don't? Why do you do XYZ? And they kind of just looked at me, and I'd be like, I would have expressed before that, I don't like when you do XYZ. And they said, yes. They considered it, and it was very calm. Again, the approach. And it's like, no. Is there a reason why you don't or you do XYZ? If you tell me, I want to know why as well. Maybe there's something that I don't know is behind your actions. And they were like, no, there really isn't any reason. [00:24:48] Speaker B: No, I see that there. I think that is the problem. Because human behavior is thought into feeling, into action. There's always a motivation behind. So if we cannot connect, the person, male or female, cannot connect with why, then there will be a problem. Because then they can't explain it to you. Or therefore, even the behavior change cannot exist or cannot occur because they don't even connect to the reason why. [00:25:12] Speaker C: Okay, so you think that they don't know why. At the root of it, they can't answer that themselves. [00:25:17] Speaker B: So therefore it can't change. [00:25:18] Speaker C: So the easiest thing for them to say is there is no reason. But there is. They just don't know. [00:25:22] Speaker B: Always have a reason. [00:25:26] Speaker D: Why this do. [00:25:27] Speaker B: No. [00:25:28] Speaker C: Okay, I can. [00:25:29] Speaker A: So, for example, when you say there's always a reason, let's get specific. So if the action, because with you getting upset by it, you can also look at a different perspective and say, does it really bother me that much that I'm going to cause a big issue about it? Right. But in terms of the action having a reason. So leaving a fridge door open, my reason behind. So there's not no reason why I leave it open is because I'm telling myself, whether consciously or subconsciously, I'm just going there to get this glass and I'm going to come back and put it in there. So that's my reason. There's not a reason why I'm doing it to annoy her, even though she's mentioned it several times. [00:26:08] Speaker B: You're not doing it to annoy her. Right. [00:26:10] Speaker A: But there's a reason why I'm leaving it open. [00:26:12] Speaker B: The reason why, as you said, because you're just going somewhere close to just getty the glass to leave it open. Right, let me go back a little bit to what you all were saying. Emotions, you're saying in terms of when you're angry, sometimes the emotions, you say things and you want to know why. And you explained you wanted to get a certain reaction or you wasn't getting a reaction. We human beings are so complex, sometimes we don't understand how exactly complex we are. And if we go with a simple concept of thought into feeling, into action. I listened to a lecture recently that says they were explaining exactly what emotions and feelings are. And one person said, and it resonated with me, is that we experience so much stimuli, right, that your brain sometimes cannot process it. And a feeling is your brain's summary of what's going on. So when you're happy, it's because so many things happen, your brain is okay, just get happy, sad, angry, et cetera, because have so many things going on. And I sat and I thought about that, because even in a relationship, we talk about the socks. The socks means something from childhood and thing, and so many processes happening, and then me leaving it there means so many things. So in my one action, they say ten processes. And in your observation of the action, you have ten processes. If we don't take the time to really connect with it. And that's why I was saying in the first stages of relationship, why we should be just open about everything. This is why. And there's a reason why to even connect with it, so that we could understand each other better. Now, I don't know, I could put in a little bit of biology there and say, because of how men make up and how women make up, we could interpret these things differently. And how men process emotions and how women process emotions differently also. We spoke about that before, but I think it's a lot of understanding yourself first, understanding your truth, knowing what is your truth. Because the fact is I like to leave the fridge open, right? Because you have a logical reason. It might be logical to someone else, but I make the most sense to you, because why I take an energy to close the fridge and open it back. [00:28:27] Speaker C: Can I take that extra, a bit extra for the. Okay, you do that, but then you forget the fridge open. What if that is what happens in the scenario? That is what gets me upset, the fact that you do that. I understand the logic, but then you are the type of person, you're very forgetful. And then ten minutes after, well, you go on and eat in your food, save shocks, I forget the fridge open so much so that that's the habit I have, right? But then I'm saying, so if you know that. [00:28:56] Speaker A: No, meaning, like, I'm a fridge, I'm a lever. [00:29:00] Speaker C: If that is what happens more often than not, then why not go to the root of that, which is just close the fridge to begin with. If you know you're going to forget it, things are to defrost, then why not just close the door? [00:29:14] Speaker A: But I'm not doing it to annoy my partner, even though I know it does annoy her. I'm not consciously doing my reason behind. Leaving it open or even forgetting is not based. It is not tied to annoying her whether I like or not. No, I just want to touch on the fact when you mentioned if you love someone or you like someone, you wouldn't do certain things to aggravate them. That's not true. Because if I'm looking, as Javel pointed out, with regards to what he really wanted, even in the argument, is to be recognized in specific ways. If I'm having that boat of silent treatment argument, and I know, okay, you know what? There are some buttons. I could touch it, right? Leave the fridge open. I want to leave the drawers on the ground. You understand? I want to leave the top leaking. My thing is, it's something to get a rise out of that person, to get a reaction. Which brings me to where I want the basis of the rest of this manhood to go. We talk about breakups and sexual performance, and I want to presence it. When men have breakups and, well, men and women. And we speak about men and men, women and women just talk about the gender. And even that might be a touchy subject, right? For all intents and purposes, male and female. And we speak about. You always hear a woman, when she reaches to that point, can make the cut off. She may cry for six months, a year, whatever the case may. And this is not a generalization. This is just based on some of the interactions that I have seen or heard or in research. Whereas a man tends to linger based on that ego, always thinking to himself, it's not really done, or they could be attacked back, or she will be remembering how I handle the scene. All of these different things. And in that tying in what you find that you see men do in certain environments is that they keep prodding. If they have a breakup, they will keep doing things. And instead of going to the woman and saying, okay, well, it's done. I move on, I loved you. All of these different things. You tend to do certain things that are antagonistic. So if it's, you have children, you may do things to and females because I remember a story you gave me where you do things to ensure the man doesn't get the woman doesn't get some, whether it's money or you tell her just really vile stuff and you think that you're doing things to get a rise out of that person. And it's almost sick in a way that in trying to get the rise out of her in a negative way, you think somehow that's going to bring her back to. You're looking at me. [00:32:11] Speaker C: I don't get the logic too, but I've experienced something similar to that as well. [00:32:15] Speaker A: What is the logic behind that? Johansey, why do we do something negative? Hoping for a positive? [00:32:21] Speaker B: Let me talk about ego then. Right, ego. And I'm open to interpretations here. Right. Ego is something that always wants to be recognized and always wants things his or her way. Right? Let me go with ego. No matter what the will is, I want things my way. I want people to see me. I want to always be the quote unquote best. It's always about me. So therefore, one I premise in because I don't think it's a male or female thing. It depends on a developmental, emotionally developmental stage. So we talk about getting rile out of somebody that is an ego. Your ego wants a certain reaction from that person. So whether it is sex we're talking about, whether it is a breakup or argument, I think this person should be reacting this way to whatever I do in. And if they're not, then I'll rise up the antenna or I will say worse things because I talking nicely the person I already gained reaction. So you know what, forget you, I leave any socks just in case. And you know what? The ego feel good because the person now gain a reaction. So even though it mightn't be a positive reaction because your ego is still feeling good, I get this person vex. I get this person to react. [00:33:38] Speaker D: I get this person vex is more like I get this person to understand where I'm coming from. Because sometimes. [00:33:43] Speaker C: Well, do they even understand with all that? [00:33:45] Speaker B: Most times no. [00:33:46] Speaker D: Most times no. But because of the reaction you could interpret it as they understand. [00:33:50] Speaker B: The ego will change up to think. [00:33:52] Speaker D: That because if you have a big issue with some issue with your boyfriend, right? And you're telling, hey, find me really using this fox and fridge thing. You have an issue, say you have an issue with this and they're not saying, but it's a big issue for you. This is a really huge issue for you. All right, Wood, you're not going to accept that because you're going to think diesel die all. So you don't care how I feel then. And then it goes on to something else or something else. And let me just say, the person leaving the fridge door open, that could be a reaction to something that you just do that they're not telling you about. But you just do this and I. [00:34:32] Speaker B: Don'T tell you nothing. [00:34:33] Speaker D: So why are you telling me about why I just do this when I do even. [00:34:37] Speaker C: But then how can I even address it if I'm unaware? [00:34:41] Speaker A: Because what is good for the goose must be good for the Gandha shiva. I think you want to mute that call. Somebody really trying to get your. Somebody really trying to get in on this conversation. [00:34:54] Speaker D: So that's how I would interpret it. Maybe your partner don't feel like they could talk to you or they probably think you're going to take this the wrong way if I tell you this. So it's better I not tell you that. So that is maybe why your answer would say men could probably accept the truth easier than women. It's a real men who has been relationships and do say nothing about anything because they know. All right. My partner feel a type of way about me saying this. So it's better. It not really affecting me that much. [00:35:28] Speaker C: To keep the peace. [00:35:30] Speaker D: Yeah. So cool. [00:35:31] Speaker A: Well, that in itself we have to go to a break and that in itself I feel this one is going to go on a bit longer as we've seen a couple of others because the topic is important. How you pointed out the need to have that ego fed regardless is still a win, whether it's a negative or a positive. And as you mentioned, with regards to how that's being perceived, could also bring about the other topic where people, they always say men don't communicate. A lot of times it's listen, I rather hear that in my ears. Rather just don't say anything. But if you want a certain, if it has your love language and you want it, all that then happens is you go where you could get it, where you're not getting that in your ears. Real quick story, we got to go to a break. After your story, go to the break. [00:36:28] Speaker D: As you answer saying with ego and respect and stuff like that. Right. I think I am a great provider. I think I will go up my way to provide. Right? So it's like this one person I was with, I was running late for something and I didn't iron my clothes as yet. So I was like iron this real quick for me. I was like, iron this real quick for me. I was going to take a shower and I want to head out. And their reaction was like, gosh. So I was like, you can't iron something for me. And I asked you to be a housewife, and I just asking you to iron a shit for me. I just need this shit. A couple of days pass, I was feeling like. I was like, damn, that's so weird. Now I will iron something normal. And when we had a conversation about it, she was like, when she was younger, people used to always make an iron. And I used to make a feel a type of way. So it kind of ties back into the person upbringing with whatever they have going on. [00:37:22] Speaker C: You never know. [00:37:23] Speaker D: Yeah. And that's a story by Junior Lee. And we go into a break. [00:37:38] Speaker C: Welcome back to manhood, folks. Thank you for joining us. I am Siobhan. Thanks for having me. Yes, I am the only female on manhood, but we're having some good conversations, and I think they're very necessary. Can men and women handle the truth? So we get into the spicier side of things. Now, I know earlier we mentioned we like to hit people where it hurts sometimes if we feel like we're not being heard right. And I feel like one of the major ones. I've never used it personally myself, but we've seen it unheard of time and time again, where when a woman really wants to hit a man where it hurts, no pun intended, you either go for the financials like them as a provider or sexual prowess. So you'd be like, I leave in here, or they say something xyz die y small, you know what I mean? Because they know it will impact them in a way that will be like, well, wow. So I think that is another area where men also cannot handle the truth. [00:38:45] Speaker A: Wow. I mean, as important. That's right. [00:38:55] Speaker C: Do you want to say something? Javel's stomach, do you have something to say? Yeah, I think that's definitely an area where men get quite defensive. If I could just, I guess, give an experience for me personally, I would have been with someone who didn't like me getting involved in the bedroom, in the act. [00:39:21] Speaker B: He know how to do nothing. [00:39:25] Speaker C: He didn't want me do anything to assist myself in the process. Right, right. So I remember that happening, and they were like, well, what are you doing? And I was just, you want to try something different, Siobhan? [00:39:38] Speaker A: You could spell it out. This is manhood. People want to be in parables, right? [00:39:44] Speaker C: They didn't want me to pleasure myself while we were pleasuring each other in the act. Not this one. [00:39:57] Speaker A: Okay, what did you take from that? [00:40:01] Speaker C: Any moment, because things are happening. Functioning is functioning. And then it just continues like, okay, fine. And then after we had a conversation, I'm like, well, what is the issue? I don't really see an issue in, but it made them feel emasculated. They literally said the prison. He said that to me. It made me feel emasculated that I am not able to get you to that point of pleasure that you feel like you need to get involved. [00:40:25] Speaker A: Now, is that because of the size, or is it that something that you could have said, hey, well, you could do this, that will help me get off and get him involved? Or is it that he felt conscious about the fact that you more on emotion. Emotion than he. [00:40:42] Speaker C: Well, for me, we had this conversation. For me, everybody want to talk about size, but size does matter. But to explain that you can also be too big. You can also be too big. So for me, it's more about the motion in the ocean. He had emotion in the ocean. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad sex, but I'm just saying, sometimes you want to try something. [00:41:10] Speaker A: Besides a ship was more like a p rog. [00:41:13] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:41:15] Speaker B: Concentrated on his side. [00:41:22] Speaker C: So I've had both. I had a cruise ship and I've also had between the p rock and. Oh, my God. But he had the motion of the ocean, and it was good. So it was better than the person who had the. What was it? What am I, the. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Freedom sign? [00:41:55] Speaker C: Right. This is going to be the thumbnail. I'm sure this is going to be the thumbnail. But you didn't know what to do with it. You didn't know what to do with it. And what is the point? So I think it depends definitely on your ability to but end as you think. So this person who had emotional ocean, I don't know if because it was smaller, they felt like they had to pay me work. Yeah. And me getting involved was also saying, yeah, is it because my is smaller that I need to over. And I don't want her to do anything. So I never did anything up to that point. And from the time I did that, they were just like, no, don't ever. And that was a red flag for me because it made me feel uncomfortable, like we are having such a. We're together, we're partners. We are having this intimate moment. [00:42:44] Speaker D: Spice as well. [00:42:45] Speaker C: Yeah. And you're making me feel uncomfortable to try new things with you, to do things with you. So I said, okay, I'm receptive. Because, again, it's a very delicate thing topic, right? So I'm like, I hear what you say, but I didn't see it that way. [00:43:01] Speaker D: How long it takes before you hone them? [00:43:03] Speaker C: I've never cheated on anybody, but is. [00:43:05] Speaker A: That because of principles and morals or is that simply because. [00:43:16] Speaker C: Focus, guys. [00:43:21] Speaker A: It's always a topic that always seems to be comedic, funny people. Sometimes. A lot of times, people are very uncomfortable with the conversation. But it's a very real conversation because that conversation, this topic that we're talking about here, leads to serious levels of violence. Violence between partners, violence with other people, violence of the man committing it to maybe another man who he may feel is, like you said, if he becomes the horner man. So the levels that it goes to takes it out of the bedroom and into an environment that needs to be understood. So let's take, for example, your p rog guy, right? Who might have been better motion in the ocean. Is it that he himself might be aware of. We see the detriment of things like porn that's having on good relationships, et cetera, right? And what that's doing to people. And as a result, he's thinking, listen, I'm not Mandingo, right? But that's his insecurity. You're thinking, hey, let me just do what it takes in order for us to be part of this relationship. The question then is one, would it have been enough going forward for you? And if you can answer that honestly, at what point, because he's thinking it. Do you think he can handle the truth? Like, would you tell him, hey, you're better at this. And we okay with doing this because you're small or smallest? [00:44:58] Speaker B: Smallest domain? [00:44:59] Speaker C: Small. It was average sized. But I'm saying I would have had. Right. That prison was average size, and there was someone else who was bigger. But bigger doesn't mean better. I'm telling us all the cameras, bigger doesn't mean better. And what we notice, I feel like women, I feel like men have that in their head, that. [00:45:16] Speaker A: Would you tell him the truth, regardless of whether size, whether a big performance, would you tell him the truth in terms of how you really feel in that moment? Like, hey, I think time on plays. [00:45:31] Speaker C: Oh, God, we can't be in the act and then not in the act. So the person who had the cruise ship, I would have expressed to them that, because they asked me, am I the best that you've had? And I said, no. And that was a very silent drive. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Do you think yes. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Human behavior. Listen, I have so many little things we talk about, and because we don't talk about sex a lot, it has even more intricacies with that and everybody different, because, okay, we're talking about size, big or small, but even a woman herself, her size different. So if a man big for one person could be medium sized for the next one, if a man small, et cetera, karma sutra. So it has so many different dynamics. So that's why when we talking about, come back with the truth of it, right? The truth is, can men or women handle the truth? Now, I think my conclusion is really not a man woman thing, it's really a human thing. Because any moment you should be able to tell somebody what is going on, whether it is in sex, whether it is in a relationship, whether it is even in a platonic relationship, to be able to tell a person, but to be able to tell that person what is really going on, you ought to know what is going on with you. You ought to know why if a woman touching herself doing it, it's doing something to me. The man who had the cruise ship, he probably know you have a cruise ship. So in his mind, every time dies the best he ever had, right? So it's even understanding yourself, understanding the truth of yourself, they can be able to stand upon it. Like Javel way you're saying about, you know, you're a good provider, right? And let me say, your market is, I could provide $10,000 in resources every month. No matter if somebody say, well, you know, a good provider, you know, I could provide that 10,000 so you could stand up on your own. If you're journalist, we talk about a journalist. If, you know, you're a good journalist, no matter what a person say, you could do it. Now, sex is a little different because sex is something you're having with someone. So all these skills I may know with Susie when I reach Mary, Mary might have a whole different thing. So you could be an expert with Susie, but you're not an expert with Mary. So to be able to listen to Mary, to hear something, I think that's the part about handling the truth. [00:48:04] Speaker D: And I was going to say like, daman is a madman, the man who had a problem with you doing your thing. Because if you with somebody as a man or as a woman, you need to understand like, yo, this person like this or the door like this. And you had to have that conversation. I know my dingo, but I just listen. I know what will work for my partner. Unless it was like a one jam with somebody, then don't ever happen because I want jam. But if it's a partner, you had them kind of conversations like, dan, you can't meet with your p rug. And I could tell you don't really do it for me. I had to do this to get. [00:48:51] Speaker C: Me there and communicate. Most men really care and just to put it out there. [00:48:57] Speaker B: Well, I guess if we win men and women, I would say a lot of men just don't really care. I would see a lot. [00:49:09] Speaker C: That person with the Pirog, they also put a lot of. They focused on their climaxing. A lot of the time. Me climaxing wasn't a priority. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't, well, but then I was with a partner who. That was the main goal. You need to feel, as in me, I Shivoni's. I'm like, what do you mean? And I'm feeling like. I've never felt this way where someone was so attentive. It's like, do you like when I do this? Or I realize you like this, so I'm going to do this or not necessarily like, we didn't sit down with notes or whatever, but it came up in conversation. [00:49:45] Speaker A: Be like finding what kind of action. I just wonder, because we come into the end of this conversation and it's a very intense one. And I want to bring it back to this show's title, manhood better as brothers. It's about coming together, community, to be able to reach men and young men where they're at. But there's also the other meaning to manhood. And that is where you get anyone, any man, regardless of whether he's strong, whether he's in whatever capacity. That's where you hit them, where's hardest. And men, I always remember men also use that against other men to be able to say, hey, I handle a woman. Even he whorna man in that he want to make sure, like you said, asking you, is he the best that you had? Because I remember this joke where a man says to another man, those women saying, you're small like a TikTok. And he said, why your mother breathes, smells so good. Do you understand? So again, quick with. But it is the attacks that we use, and it's always based on your genitalia. [00:51:09] Speaker D: You had to be self aware. As a person, you need to be self aware. Like Dan Isla, nomadingo Junior, you have a small boy. Yeah. Good. [00:51:23] Speaker C: You are not insecure about it. [00:51:26] Speaker A: You're not funny. [00:51:27] Speaker C: Okay. [00:51:28] Speaker A: That's your opinion. [00:51:29] Speaker D: You are a no. And you and your partner would know. Yeah, like that. [00:51:32] Speaker C: Am I having sex with you? [00:51:38] Speaker D: I see. Period. Man come to fish. Every fish. You ought to be. So, yeah, bro, I agree. You got to understand as well, right? It's going to have men who could rail. Jamaican have women who could rail. It's have ladies who could do things chef wouldn't even dream about doing. And men, like, women have that. I sure women probably have that same thought as well, like, going and have women who can really get on bad. And your man probably had, like, I had partners in the past. Like, my girlfriend should have had partners in the past as well. So they probably did things that I probably wouldn't even think about doing. But I know I had women in the past who do some things that is like, yo, it's hard this out here. And then it comes down to compromising your relationship. You can make a choice like this market rail jamboy, but everything else is. And now you got to make a choice. Do I care for sex that much? Where it's like, yo, yeah, I go stay with this person, Kittrell Kidrell Jam. But keep in mind, a couple of years, this is going to die down. Might die or you're going somebody who really love and caring. But the sex kind of normal, like, nice decisions you sort of make as men and women do. [00:53:02] Speaker C: You know, my life, it's as a men speaking to me. [00:53:06] Speaker D: It's just some men who. Most men want to jam every day, like most men do mind jamming every day. But it rare meeting women that want to have sex every single day. See, I don't make a choice. Like, do I want a woman who will give it to me every time, or do I want a woman that will give me peace? And that is a decision you have to make. I prefer peace. [00:53:28] Speaker C: Can you have both? [00:53:29] Speaker D: I can tell peace. I need peace. I just have a lot going on. [00:53:38] Speaker C: Pelt peace today. [00:53:39] Speaker D: Yeah, I can't pelt peace atma. I have plenty. I could get peace. [00:53:44] Speaker A: They could get peace. [00:53:45] Speaker D: I could get peace every day. [00:53:47] Speaker A: But you might feel at peace. [00:53:49] Speaker D: Yeah. Like, you feel good for however long the sex lasts. Then you're driving home like no jam does you. [00:53:55] Speaker B: It's real weird for me, Dinah. Unnecessary, partner. But go ahead. [00:54:00] Speaker A: I want to present something I just said that junk, like I said, we have to wrap up and we haven't even gotten the part. Know, we talk about size and all that, but can you finish the race in terms of it could have these songs like back in my day with patron and Lady Saw and Tanya Stevens thinking, talking about 1 minute man and people again. And I wanted to talk to Johansey about the presence of porn and what porn is doing to our society. But like I was telling you guys, I had a very deep conversation with a friend of mine and part of what he said, and this is something to look at. And I want us to talk about in another conversation with manhood, when he spoke about ejaculation, when someone feels a listen, I want to be a player. Or you're masturbating and you're doing these things. The presence of what you consume and what your body, your sperm is the finest and the most powerful part of a man. Right. Human nature. This is the ability to be able to procreate and create life. When you dispel of that, what you're doing, if it is your body is telling itself, when it releases. Hey, I am spreading my seed here. If you're giving your body that on a regular basis and that's happening and it's not happening in the environment, it's supposed to happen or it's not actually doing the function it's supposed to do. As you start to get lazy, you're not telling yourself in many ways, like, I'm a king. I could relax here. And basically what you're doing is you start to weaken your body based on that, as opposed to putting your body in a certain element of survival mode that when it comes to it, and you actually are there to say, have that intercourse, that moment to procreate, you're at your most powerful. So you're actually doing yourself a disservice by, just to quote my good friend here, pelt, as opposed to really, there's a whole deeper meaning into that. But again, we don't have the time here today, but I really want to hear Johansson's take on the impact porn is having on our society now. And also your final thoughts, if you can use it in there as well, to talk about why we simply can't handle the truth. Like if a woman really said, it's small, but I'm willing to do this, why do we as a society place so much emphasis on sexual prowess? [00:56:37] Speaker B: Okay, one robot. I think we definitely need to have an entire episode on sex sexuality. [00:56:43] Speaker A: Agree? That's next episode, actually. [00:56:45] Speaker B: Two is porn not even song. Scientific porn is a real dreading. Is a real dreading because it actually creates a false reality of what human sexuality is. Human sexuality have no format, but a porn would have a format even if they have different categories of porn, there seems still some kind of format, right? How I feel to have sex Monday could be different. How I feel to have sex on Tuesday, what I feel to do Tuesday morning might be different from Tuesday evening. Sex and human behavior is such a dynamic thing. So porn puts you in a kind of category where you think, this experience always has to be a certain way. And when you think that, no, you could think, if it's not that way, then something wrong with me or something wrong with my partner. If in a certain episode, you watch the woman or the man reacts a certain way, right? And it's not only a meal thing now, because many women watch porn also. And so if my man didn't react a certain way and do this certain thing, it could mean something wrong with me or something wrong with him. So I'm saying porn is addressing, because even I remember even my own life when watching porn and then coming to the realization of what sex is. I remember it was a stark difference. And it didn't make sense to me at first, because I thought, well, you watch something, and that's how it's supposed to be. And I watch enough of it, and I hear enough people talk about it, then it's supposed to be this way, but is really not. And it took a good while to even recondition my brain to remember everybody different. Every day different, I doing something different. So I even encouraging people, people who's watched porn. I can't tell you whether watching porn right or wrong for you, but understand that that may not be the reality of how things are. And then now if we in this fantasy world, then now it brings up all these things. So now in a relationship, you're thinking, well, this person do love me, this person not reacting to me. You're lying to me about something, you're horning me, et cetera, et cetera. It bring up all these dynamics in relationship that really have nothing to do with the relationship. And then we come with handling the truth. You're handling the truth of what? The truth you create in your mind comes from something that's not even real, right? So when now the person say, well, you're a minute man. Sometimes sex is a minute, if you understand what I'm saying. Sometimes sex is two minutes. Sometimes it could agree. [00:59:15] Speaker D: Sometimes sex is a minute. [00:59:18] Speaker C: Yes, unfortunately for me, right? [00:59:21] Speaker B: Sometimes it is what it is. You and that person, you don't even know the different things. If you're not honest with each other, I could tell you like maticia. Sorry. Sometimes I just want to be inside and just don't move. I just want to feel it's just like a spa just going there and myself. Right, but that is somebody else may mean, nah, you matter what you got to be thinking and you had to be where we based on can we handle the truth? First we have to discover the truth of ourselves. Wait, is you really like, if it's porn you're watching, you got to tell the person, well, I see this on porn or whatever. So the person know where you're coming from. If it is you talk with your girlfriends or wherever it is. I hear this. This is what I really want to really just see the truth about what. [01:00:11] Speaker D: It is you want. [01:00:13] Speaker A: I want to say that because I want him to finish his closing thoughts. Because what you're about to say, I want that to be your closing thoughts. As we have to it comes up point that we had a disconnect. [01:00:28] Speaker B: Yeah, that's my thoughts. Whether or not is based on lemon goodies. Can we handle truth of ourselves first before we starting to study whether this person could handle it or not? Sit down. And really, this is why I want in sex. This is why I want in a relationship. This is why I want in a platonic relationship. Really be honest with yourself first. So no, when the person even asks why, why does leave refrigerator open? Why does wherever it is you already sit with yourself? So you could say this is the reason why. So the person could understand you. Therefore, they could actually decide whether I like I really want to be with this person or don't want to be with this person. [01:01:06] Speaker D: Yeah, makes sense. No, I was just going to add to something. You're saying that I realized offer Paula is sitting like all women wants a man that does last like an hour or so. And that is far from the truth. It's a woman who by ten minutes, dad. [01:01:26] Speaker C: That is a long time, though. [01:01:27] Speaker D: Yeah, like 510 minutes. Like coffee. The big takeaway from that is everybody is different. You need to learn the people that you are with and learn yourself. Most importantly, because as soon as you learn yourself, it's easier to tell people who you are and they will know how to treat with you. Because if you don't know yourself, you're going to mean a lot of Akana. Because you'll be figuring out yourself while trying to figure out somebody else. So until you figure out yourself, stay by yourself, belt around, leave people alone. [01:02:04] Speaker B: You could actually learn yourself with somebody. [01:02:07] Speaker D: Yeah, for sure. [01:02:07] Speaker B: People open to the process. Or you can learn yourself with each other. But if you know you can handle it yet then stay by yourself. I add that last part. [01:02:18] Speaker A: You don't want to felt your piece of it. [01:02:21] Speaker C: So can men and women handle truth at this point? Yes and no. For both genders. It really just depends on you as a person and what everybody, I'm echoing what everyone else is saying, that you need to really understand yourself first and what is your truth? Before you expect to get the truth from your partner or your friends or your family or those closest to you. And also being able to be receptive to the truth as well. So you have to be able to be open to give any truth and being open to receive any truth. [01:02:54] Speaker A: Yeah, well said. So there it is. Another conversation with manhood. Can men and women handle the truth? Feelings, compromise, breakups, sexual performance. Sexual performance being a root to a lot of why people behave the way they behave. Whether it's spoken, whether the truth is spoken or what they believe. The truth is what they believe someone else is thinking. You have to know yourself. You have to know yourself and live your truth. What is your truth? The opinions of others really don't matter as long as you're grounded in where you're coming from. Where opinions matter is when you're insecure or you have reservations about whether or not that is indeed your truth and that is the truth. When you start to look at that, it's because you're not grounded. So decide what you want. Decide what you want and let that be your truth. Can men or women handle the truth? I think they're the areas where you can and you can't. I simply would want the truth whether I could handle it at that point or not. You know what? [01:04:11] Speaker B: Just take it. [01:04:12] Speaker A: Yes. I always remember this passage in the Bible that starts off with, this too shall pass, and 06:00 in the morning will come regardless of how you meet it. So let that be your truth.